Pink Meth and Crack

So this morning I was feeling rather uninspired (which is odd for me in the morning). While I wasn’t doing anything very productive Mur Lafferty tweeted the following:

I replied:

To which she replied:

So I thought about it for a bit. Then inspiration hit, and here’s the result. Disclaimer: This is a work of parody. I’m not endorsing the use of pink meth and crack, or anything of the kind.

One-eye-Jack
Jack One-Eye

That One-eye-Jack
That One-eye-Jack
I do not like
that One-eye-Jack

Do you like
pink meth and crack?

I do not like them,
One-eye-Jack
I do not like
pink meth and crack

Would you like them
now or then?

I would not like them
now or then
I would not like them
any when
I do not like
pink meth and crack
I do not like them,
One-eye-Jack

Would you like to
numb your pain?
Would you like this
in your vein?

I do not need to
numb my pain.
I do not want that
in my vein
I do not like them
now or then.
I do not like them
any when.
I do not like pink meth and crack
I do not like them, One-eye-Jack

Would you like to
have some fun?
Would you stick this
on your tongue?

Not for fun.
Not my tongue.
Not for pain.
Not in vein.
I would not take them now or then.
I would not take them any when.
I would not do pink meth and crack.
I do not like them One-eye-Jack

Can you? Will you?
have a smoke?
Take it! Take it!
Have a toke!

I can not
will not
have a smoke

You may like it.
Try and see.
You may like it.
Try for free.

I can not, will not try for free.
I do not smoke so let me be
I do not want that kind of fun
I do not want it on my tongue
I do not want to numb my pain
I do not want it in my vein
I do not want it now or then
I do not want it any when
I do not want pink meth and crack
I do not want it, One-eye-Jack

A line! A line!
A line! A line!
Will you, can you
snort a line?

Not a line! Not for free!
I don’t smoke! Jack! Let me be!

I can not, will not, just for fun
I will not, can not, on my tongue
I do not take to numb my pain
I do not take inside my vein
I do not want it now or then
I do not want it any when
I do not like pink meth and crack
I do not want it One-eye-Jack

Yo!
In the alley?
Here in the alley!
Can you, will you, in the alley?

I can not, will not,
in the alley.

Can you, will you
under the pine?

I can not, will not, under the pine.
Not in the alley. Not snort a line.
I do not smoke. Not just for free.
I do not need it, Jack, you see.
Not for my pain. Not just for fun.
Not in my vein. Not on my tongue.
I do not want it now or then.
I do not want it any when.

You do not want
pink meth and crack?

I do not
want them
One-eye-Jack.

Will you, can you
give a try?

I can not,
will not,
give a try!

Can you, will you,
just get high?

I will not, can not, just get high.
I can not, will not, give a try.
I do not want it under the pine.
I do not want to snort a line.
Not in an alley! Not for free!
I do not smoke. You let me be!
I do not take it just for fun.
I do not take it on my tongue.
I do not need to numb my pain.
I do not want it in my vein.
I do not want it now or then.
I do not want it ANY WHEN!

I do not like
pink meth
and crack!

I do not need them,
One-eye-Jack

You do not want them.
So you say.
One time! One time!
And you may.
One time and you may, I say.

Jack!
So you won’t hang about
I will try them.
You’ll find out.

Woah!
I like pink meth and crack!
I do! I want more, One-eye-Jack!
And I would like to just get high.
And I would like to give a try…

And I will now go under the pine.
In the alley, snort a line.
And have a smoke. Is that still free?
I feel so different, a brand new me!

So I will take them just for fun.
And I will put that on my tongue.
And I will use to numb my pain.
And I will stick that in my vein.
I do so want it now and then.
Say! I’ll take it ANY WHEN!

I do so like
pink meth and crack!
Thank you!
Thank you,
One-eye-Jack.

6 Comments

  1. KJToo says:

    That is at once sick, subversive and brilliant. Well done, sir.

  2. Jay says:

    Thank you very much. Glad it went over well.

  3. dursin says:

    “I’m not endorsing the use of pink meth and crack, or anything of the kind.”

    But didn’t you also say, “having a child who is a picky eater I’d say it’s about trying things before deciding you don’t like them,”?

    Don’t knock that crack until you try it.

    Anyway, brilliant. Hilarious. Well done.

  4. Paul says:

    This is great stuff Jay, top form!

    As much as I enjoyed the parody I was most intrigued by the discussion (short though it was) that prompted you to go off on this venture. It has always fascinated me how two people can look on the same thought, scene or written word and come up with two completely different interpretations. Neither is right or wrong, just different.

    This piece brings to mind one of my favorite social commentators, Professor Tom Lehrer, and his ode to Smut (he was for it). One verse goes like this:

    “When correctly viewed
    everything is lewd.
    I could tell you things about Peter Pan
    and the Wizard of Oz, there’s a dirty old man!”

    Interpretation all boils down to your personal outlook on life. Take Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland for instance. This is allegedly a satirical look at Charles Dodgson’s acquaintances, both friend and foe, with some English school lessons thrown in. Nonsense I say. This is plainly a reasonably decent description of a fairly high dose acid trip. Charles Dodgson, or Lewis Carroll if you prefer, simply got his hands on some Grade A microdot. And the world of literature is better off for it…

  5. Jason Penney says:

    Thanks for your comments guys. It was a fun experiment and I’m glad you liked it.

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